


Nations of the Caribbean

by ní fios cé a chum (RainRiversol)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Humor, Parody, Pirates, PruHun, Surprise Characters - Freeform, aushun, change in plots, honestly characters keep sneaking in, i can't keep them out, lots of characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7642843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainRiversol/pseuds/n%C3%AD%20fios%20c%C3%A9%20a%20chum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roderich and Elizaveta are just two of many in Port Royal with secrets, but their secrets might come to light sooner than either think. Meanwhile, the most awesome pirate to ever sail the seven seas - a.k.a. one Captain Gilbert Beilschmidt - is determined to recover his beloved ship. Through circumstances beyond their control, the three will find their paths crossing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - The Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Pirates of the Caribbean, or any of the characters/plots within either franchise. This story is merely for entertainment/parody purposes only, and I make no profit from it. All rights go to respective owners.

**Chapter 1 – The Dream**

The ship sailed smoothly through the waters, cutting through the mist rising off of the waves. Men on board went to and fro, carrying out the jobs that were necessary for the arrival at their destination. The work was carried out in almost near silence, creating an atmosphere of haunted stillness.

None of this seemed to disturb the violet-eyed child sitting by the prow of the ship. As he bent over his sheets of paper, his glasses slid down and he absentmindedly used an ink stained finger to push them back up, leaving a long black smear along the bridge of his nose. Humming to himself, the boy seemed to be conducting an imaginary orchestra. Most of the crew gave the child a wide berth, as they had since day one of their trip.

Suddenly the boy lifted his head. Carefully gathering up his papers, he moved closer to the front of the ship, head cocked.

_Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates’ life for me…_

The song seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once. The boy glanced around him; nobody else seemed to have noticed the strange music. Straining to hear it better, he was soon lost in his own thoughts and in the music.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, and he jumped, turning around. In front of him was Francis Bonnefoy, who…well, actually no one was really sure what he did, or what he was doing on this ship. “ _Bonjour_ , _Monsieur_ Roderich,” the Frenchman said, grinning. “And what fine music are we singing today?”

“I’m not singing,” Roderich replied. “Someone else is. Listen.”

Bonnefoy listened for a few moments before shaking his head. “I hear nothing.”

“But –” Roderich looked out towards the ocean. He could hear nothing but the waves. “It was about pirates, I think, and –”

“Pirates?” Bonnefoy paled. “ _Non_ , we don’t want to be singing about pirates out here, _Monsieur_ Roderich.”

“Why not?”

“Because, they will swoop down upon our ship, murdering, thieving –”

“That’s enough, frog!”

Lieutenant Arthur Kirkland marched over to them, positively bristling. “I told you to stop bothering the crew and the passengers, Bonnefoy!”

Bonnefoy raised an eyebrow. “I was not bothering anyone, _Angleterre_.” He looked down at Roderich. “Was I bothering you, _Monsieur_ Roderich?”

“Well,” Roderich began, “actually, _ja_ , a little.” Lieutenant Kirkland looked victorious.

The Frenchman staggered back, clapping a hand to his heart. “Oh! The pain! I feel so…wounded…Arthur…help…”

Kirkland stepped backwards, purposefully avoiding Bonnefoy as he lurched toward him, wailing about the cruelties of the world and how there was no _l’amour_ left for him. The Englishman’s lip curled in disgust. “I’ll have to take him back down below. God knows what he’s doing on this ship.” He turned to Roderich. “Terribly sorry about that.”

“It was no problem,” Roderich said graciously, moving back as Bonnefoy launched himself at Kirkland again, still complaining.

 “Get – bloody frog, _get off of me this instant_ – terribly sorry, young master Roderich, I must be off – _you stupid_ – ”

“ _Ohonhonhon_!”

Thankfully, this unnecessary display of chaos was interrupted by, “And what is your opinion on pirates, Lieutenant Kirkland?”

Kirkland managed to disentangle himself from the Frenchman, hastily stepped away, and then looked at Roderich. “Ah…well…you see…” He appeared to be fiddling with his jacket with unusual intensity, avoiding the question.

From his position on the floor, Bonnefoy supplied helpfully, “He used to be a pirate.”

“What?!?” Kirkland glared at the Frenchman, who smiled back insolently. “Did not – what – how would you even _know_ that, frog?”

“I did not.” Bonnefoy assumed a more comfortable position and smirked up at Kirkland. “Until three seconds ago, that is.”

Kirkland sputtered. Roderich, however, remained focused on his question. “I see. And, now, having once been a pirate, Lieutenant Kirkland, what is your opinion on them?”

“I…well…” Kirkland drew himself up tall. “They’re despicable creatures, the lot of them. All pirates, whether branded or sailing under the skull and crossbones, deserve a sound hanging!”

Bonnefoy clapped. “Well said, Arthur, well said. Shall I set up the gallows for you now or after supper?”

“Beg pardon?”

Bonnefoy hummed. “Probably after supper. I know I always want to kill myself after eating English cooking.”

“PIRATES WHO HAVE REPENTED DON’T NEED TO BE HANGED, TWIT!”

Roderich, who had been looking over the railing into the water during this exchange, quickly tugged at Kirkland’s coat. “Lieutenant! Lieutenant! There’s a boy in the water!”

Kirkland, who had been attempting to strangle Bonnefoy, turned around at this. “By Jove, there is!” He raised his voice (well, actually he didn’t need to, his arguments with Bonnefoy had been so loud everybody had heard them, but now he addressed the crew). “Man overboard! Man overboard!” Following Kirkland’s orders, the crew managed to get the lad on board, and Kirkland bent over him. “Still breathing, thank God.” He looked up at the crew (plus Roderich) and cleared his throat. “Men, today we have been responsible for the rescue of a life. Today we –” He whirled around. “ _What is it now?!?_ ”

Bonnefoy, who had been poking Kirkland repeatedly, pointed out to sea. “Look, _Angleterre_.”

There, out on the waves, was a sinking ship. And it was on fire. Wreckage floated on the water, getting tossed about by the merciless waves. No human life stirred.

“ _Marie, Mère de Dieu_ ,” Bonnefoy whispered.

As the adults argued over what could have done such a thing (Bonnefoy fervently favored ‘pirates,’ while Kirkland favored ‘accident,’ (Roderich suspected Kirkland just didn’t want to agree with Bonnefoy) and Vati (Roderich’s father) was as laconic as usual), Roderich bent over the boy.

“Roderich.” His father stood before him. “Watch over him.”

“ _Ja_ , _Vati_.” Vati nodded and moved off, but not before resting a hand on Roderich’s head.

Roderich bent over the boy again. What was that around his neck…? He reached down to touch it.

The boy’s eyes flew open, revealing green pools, and he gasped, sitting up and looking around wildly.

“It’s okay,” Roderich stammered. “You’re safe now.”

His green eyes fixed upon Roderich’s own amethyst ones. “I – I…”

“My name is Roderich Edelstein,” Roderich said, holding his hands up placatingly. “What’s yours?” he prompted.

The boy blinked several times before answering. “E-e-li… Eli Héderváry.” Then his eyes rolled up in his head and he fainted dead away.

“Eli…?” Roderich leaned over. The thing he’d noticed earlier had turned out to be a necklace, and he picked it up. It was a golden medallion, cool to the touch. As Roderich examined it more closely, he noted the skull and crossbones on the side. He looked over at the unconscious boy. “You’re a pirate,” he said, not with any shock or wonder. More like he was figuring out the answer to a logic problem.

“Has the lad spoken?”

Kirkland was right behind him; without thinking, Roderich pulled the necklace from the boy and hid it behind his back as he turned. “ _Ja_. Only his name. Eli Héderváry.” He stumbled a bit over the unfamiliar word. “That was all he said before he passed out again.”

Kirkland studied him, before nodding abruptly. “Right, then. Take him below, lads,” he told the sailors.

A little while later, after the sailors had taken Eli below, Roderich had retreated to a spot where he could examine the medallion alone. He took it out of his pocket and brought it closer to his face, noticing how the gold seemed to shine even under the misty sunless sky.

Movement in the ocean caught his eye; he looked up and saw a ship, tattered black sails billowing in the fog, sailing away. High above the deck, the other ship’s black flag waved in the sky. Roderich’s eyes widened.

It was a skull-and-crossbones.


	2. Preparation

**Chapter 2 - Preparation**

Roderich woke up. For a second he remained as he was, staring up at the ceiling, then he sat up. How strange. He hadn’t thought about that day for a long time. Why on earth would his brain decide to bring it up now?

He swung his legs out of bed, still feeling oddly disoriented, like his mind couldn’t distinguish between his eleven-year-old self of his dream and his nineteen-year-old self of the present. Stumbling over to his dresser, he located his glasses and put them on. Then, trying not to think about it, he opened one of the drawers and pushed aside the assorted papers to reveal bare wood. Hesitating only slightly, he pulled that up and exposed his secret compartment. There, nestled amongst his other assorted treasures (which included a bracelet that had belonged to his mother), was the medallion of eight years ago.

Roderich picked it up, weighing it in his hands. Fumbling a little bit, he managed to tie the medallion around his neck just as there was a knock at the door. He hid the medallion in his shirt. “ _Ja_?”

“It’s me.” His father’s deep voice came clearly through the wooden door. “Can I come in?”

“ _Ja_ , Vati.”

The door opened, and his father entered, looking a little tired. “ _Gut_. You’re up.”

Roderich nodded. “You need to see me?”

His father suddenly looked embarrassed. “ _Ja_. Well…” He thrust a package at Roderich. “This came for you. I mean…”

Roderich opened the package. Inside was…a corset? “Um, Vati,” he began delicately, “you do…um… _realize_ that…I’m a boy?” Truth be told, he was a little worried. His father’s family had a tendency not to be able to distinguish one gender from the other unless given obvious clues, and although Roderich had thought his father was the rare exception, perhaps he had been mistaken.

Vati gave him A Look, and Roderich was instantly reassured that his father was aware he had a son and not a daughter. “No kidding,” Vati said dryly.

“ _Gut_ ,” Roderich said, relieved. He waved the corset around. “So…why this?”

“Ah,” Vati said. He sat down on Roderich’s bed. “It’s…erm, well…I’ve been assured it’s good for posture…as well as fashion. You were telling me you were worried about your posture a while back, so…”

“Vati, I was seventeen.” At his father’s blank look, Roderich elaborated. “That was two years ago!”

“Oh.” Vati deflated a bit. “Well…”

“But the gift is very much appreciated still,” Roderich quickly added. “Who recommended it to you?”

Vati pursed his lips. “Vargas,” he admitted.

“ _Signore_ Romulus Vargas? I thought you hated him!”

Vati snorted. “Well, he’s an idiot. But when I heard it, I thought of you, and thus…” He nodded at the garment. “You don’t have to wear it.”

“Ah…maybe later.”

A timid knock was sounded. “Come in,” Roderich and Vati called, already knowing who it was.

A girl with large green eyes and blond hair peered shyly around the corner. “ _Guten Morgen_ , _Herr_ Edelstein. _Und Herr_ Edelstein,” she added, smiling at Vati.

“Come in, Lili. _Wie geht es dir_?”

“ _Mir geht es gut_ ,” Lili replied, curtsying. “ _Aber auf Englisch_ … I am well this morning, thank you.” She bent down and picked up her basket. “I have been practicing my English. Does it sound _gut_?” She flushed. “I mean, good?”

“ _Sehr gut_ ,” Vati responded, smiling at her. Lili beamed.

Roderich watched them together, smiling slightly. He knew, even if Lili did not, the secret that he, Vati, and Lili’s older brother Vash were hiding from her. Though the secret weighed on him somewhat, it was worth it for the moments when Vati looked so happy. His smile vanished when he remembered that it was Vash who would be bringing them to Captain Arthur Kirkland’s promotion ceremony. He groaned.

Lili and Vati turned to look at him. “Is something wrong, _Herr_ Edelstein?” she asked sweetly.

“ _Nein_ , Lili,” he said, frowning. “I just forgot about Captain Kirkland’s ceremony, that’s all.”

“Oh, _ja_ ,” Lili said. “Are you playing the piano there?”

“ _Ja_.” He looked over at his father. “But I would rather-” The look on his father’s face stopped him from finishing his sentence, and he swallowed.

Lili looked back and forth between them, then picked up her basket and curtsied to them again. “I’ll go get Vash.” She left, glancing back only once.

Father and son stared at each other.

Roderich spoke first. “ _Es tut mir leid_ , Vati, I forgot-”

“You know what this ceremony means to us, Roddy,” Vati said, face grim. “You cannot, _cannot_ ruin this for us.” His voice softened. “Lili’s future is at stake.”

Roderich hesitated, then nodded, feeling ashamed. His father reached over and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Roddy…” Nothing more was said, but Roderich understood anyways. His father searched his eyes, then clapped him once on the shoulder. “Good man.”

Roderich stood up. “I must collect my music.”

When he was almost at the door, Vati stopped him. “Roderich.” He half turned. His father was still sitting on the bed, face drawn. “Don’t tell Lili.”

Roderich nodded, and then left.

* * *

As Roderich stood before his beloved piano, running his fingers over the keys, he was aware of someone entering the room. Or more accurately, stomping. He pretended not to notice, in favor of reorganizing his music for the twentieth time. After a period of time, in which the atmosphere became more and more charged, the person cleared his throat.

Roderich pretended to notice his arrival for the first time. He turned around, long coat swishing slightly. “Oh. Vash. It’s you. My apologies.”

Green eyes glared at him. “I was standing here for ten minutes!”

“Goodness, really? That long? You should have said something.”

Vash fumed. His chin-length blond hair almost stood on end. However, much to Roderich’s disappointment, Vash took a few deep breaths, glared at a spot just over Roderich’s head, and announced, “You have a visitor.”

When Roderich didn’t move immediately, Vash stormed over, grabbed Roderich’s arm, and began to drag him bodily towards the main stairs. Roderich yelped. “My music!” Without stopping, Vash snatched the papers ( _crumpling them_ , a horrified Roderich saw) and continued onwards, an unstoppable force mowing down anything in his path. The maids and other servants saw him coming down the hall, _eep_ ed, and dove into rooms to escape. One unlucky servant, too slow to get into a room before the maid in front of him slammed the door in his face, looked around wildly, saw no other open room in sight, and ducked down behind a potted plant.

“Who-who is here?” Roderich gasped out as he stumbled after Vash.

Vash didn’t even slow down. “Eli.”

Roderich didn’t have enough breath to respond, and instead concentrated on not tripping over his own feet, keeping up with Vash, and not dropping dead from the lack of oxygen. Damn that corset. He shouldn’t have put it on, but Vati had looked so pleased with himself he didn’t have the heart to resist. He had a sneaking suspicion it really wasn’t manly to say that he was wearing a _corset_ (or wear one in the first place), but one: he didn’t have another name for the dratted thing, and two: the person he usually looked to for advice on how to be a man (Vati) had given him the corset. (And two point five, Vash, his other person for advice on manliness, would probably laugh at him. Or be disgusted. Or just not really care. Roderich didn’t actually know how Vash would react, but he knew he didn’t want to find out. Best to keep it to himself, then, and let Vash think this was Roderich’s normal nonathletic self.)

Behind the two rapidly departing figures, the servant crawled out behind the potted plant and sighed, brushing leaves out of his auburn hair. “Ve~! Spying is hard work!” Closed eyes opened to reveal shining golden-brown eyes. “Maybe now I can get some pasta, ve~!” He looked around. “Where did _fratello_ go?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Italy! Where did you come from?  
> Italy: Ve~! I don’t know, you put me here!  
> Me:…okay? Well, that wasn’t planned.  
> Italy: Do you have any pasta?  
> Me: No.  
> Italy: PASTA! *SOBS*  
> Me: Do you know where Romano is? *only sound is Italy’s wails* I’ll give you some pasta if you tell me…  
> Italy: *brightens up* Ve~! No idea!  
> Me: Great. Just what I need. An unsupervised Romano running around the story!  
> Italy: …ve~?  
> Me: Yeah, yeah. Here’s your pasta.  
> Italy: PASTAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> A/N: Goodness, I wonder what's going to happen at Arthur's ceremony? *innocent face* You'll just have to keep reading! Though seriously, Italy wasn't planned. He really did sneak in!  
> Italy: *smiles* It was really fun! See you guys next time, ve~?  
> Ja = yes, Vati = Dad/Papa, Gut = good, Signore = mr., Guten Morgen = good morning, Herr = mr., und = and, Wie geht es dir = how are you?, Mir geht es gut = I am well/good, Aber auf Englisch = But in English, Sehr gut = very good, Nein = no, Es tut mir leid = I’m sorry, fratello = brother.  
> Review? (Come on, you know you want to...)


	3. Secrets

**Chapter 3 - Secrets**

Elizaveta shifted from foot to foot, looking all around her. The tiled floor looked cool and inviting, especially on this hot summer day. She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face, and the breeze felt so good, she decided to do it again. She was in the middle of huffing and puffing up a storm when she caught the Edelsteins’ maid staring at her from the stairs. She froze.

After a minute, Lili Zwingli descended the stairs. “Hello, Eli,” she greeted, smiling a little bit. “ _Es ist sehr heiβ_ , _ja_?”

After a minute, Elizaveta grinned back. “ _Ja_ , Lili. It is very hot.”

Lili had offered to teach Elizaveta how to speak German when she walked into the blacksmith’s shop and saw Elizaveta hunched over in the corner with an old German book, struggling to read it. That had been two years ago, and the two had developed, if not a close friendship, than at least a cordial one.

Now, Lili moved closer to Elizaveta and looked up at her. “How can I help you, Mr…” she paused before saying very carefully, “Héderváry.” Elizaveta nodded, and the younger girl’s face lit up.

In return for Lili teaching her German, Elizaveta had taken to helping the younger girl both improve her English and also teach her a smattering of Hungarian. The first thing that Lili had asked to learn was how to correctly say “Eli’s” last name, because otherwise, she explained, she felt so embarrassed to mess up Elizaveta’s “beautiful last name.”

“Well,” Elizaveta began, hefting the case she carried in her arms, “if you could tell Mr. – _Herr_ Edelstein,” she corrected herself, “that I have the sword he requested, that would be lovely.” Lili’s face didn’t change, but Elizaveta saw the flicker of confusion at the decidedly unmasculine word choice, and she inwardly winced. “I mean, that would be splendid,” she amended, deliberately deepening her voice a bit. “Sorry. Guess I should spend more time with the men and less time with the ladies.” They both shared a bit of a laugh at that before Lili left to go inform _Herr_ Edelstein that he had a visitor.

As soon as Lili left, Elizaveta let her breath out in a _whoosh!_ , sliding down against one of the walls until she hit the floor. It was so much easier to pretend to be a man when she was younger.

_She remembered the waves, knocking her about like she meant nothing, as she desperately searched for something to keep her afloat. Finally she located a wooden plank, bobbing about not ten feet from her. But the ten feet might have been ten miles, for all the stamina she had left. Well, it was either swim or die, and Elizaveta Héderváry was not quite ready to die yet, little eleven-year-old that she was. So she started swimming._

_Twice she thought she wouldn’t make it; the waves crashed over her head and tried to pull her under, down below where there was only the crushing water and Davy Jones’ locker, but each time she clawed her way to the surface, and finally,_ finally _, she made it to the plank. Wrapping herself around it, she clung to it even as the ocean tried to rip her away. She knew she must stay awake; some boat could be nearby and come to investigate, and it was vital that she remained conscious to flag them down to rescue her, but slowly her eyes closed and she succumbed to the darkness._

_When she next awoke, it was to the grey sky and a boy’s concerned violet eyes behind glasses. She sat up quickly (bad idea, bad idea, all the blood rushed to her head and it pounded even more now) and whipped her head around from side to side wildly._

_“It’s okay,” a voice beside her said. “You’re safe now.”_

_Elizaveta turned to look at him (for it was the boy from before) and her mind went blank. “I-I….”_

_“My name’s Roderich Edelstein,” the boy –_ Roderich _– said, holding his hands up. When she didn’t respond right away, he said, “What’s yours?”_

_All at once, Elizaveta’s mind crystallized. She didn’t know who these people were, they could be trying to hurt her, and she was hurt. She didn’t have the advantage here. What she did know, was that a girl was in danger of a lot more things than a boy was, and thus it was safer to be a boy. She was already dressed as one (it gave her more freedom on the ship, and she often pretended to be a boy, so she knew she could get away with it) and so with great effort she made herself answer, “E-e-li…Eli Héderváry.” The blackness was rushing back in to take her, and she felt herself falling backwards as her vision went dark._

Elizaveta smiled, remembering. By the time she was convinced that they weren’t going to hurt her, she was too embarrassed to confess, and when they reached land, she quickly realized that as a boy she would have much more opportunities and freedoms in life than as a girl, so Eli she remained.

She chose blacksmithing as her profession, finding that an interest in swords, which had been discouraged as a girl, was actually encouraged as a boy. She grew to love the fashioning of swords, the art and effort that went into creating both weapons and tools. Plus, the muscles the work gave her definitely helped to boost her image as a boy. This became quickly apparent when the local bullies went home with broken limbs, noses, and a strong inclination to stay far far away from Eli Héderváry, or else.

Over the last years, she had remained friends with Roderich and his family, though of course the distance between their classes was always present. What was also always present was her teensy-tiny infatuation with Roderich Edelstein. Really, it was no big deal. It was merely physical, and probably because he was the only boy she’d had nice intelligent discussions with, and not because of the wonderful way he played the piano, or his beautiful eyes, or his gentlemanly manner….She coughed, shaking herself. She was sure it would pass soon. And besides, it was so small she hardly noticed it. Barely worth paying attention too – holy crap, was that Roderich on the stairs? Oh dear, she looked like a tramp, sitting on the floor, probably getting it all _muddy_ with her old boots –

Elizaveta frantically scrambled to get up, fumbling with the case and almost dropping it in the process. She looked up to see Lili’s older brother Vash on the stairs, watching her with a raised eyebrow. “Erm…”

“You waiting for someone?” he asked without preamble.

Elizaveta breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, actually.”

“Who?”

“Roderich – I mean, Mr. Edelstein. The younger.” Elizaveta hastened to explain. “But it’s okay – I saw your sister and she went to go get him, so no need to bother me – I mean, no need to bother _with_ me, heh. So…” she trailed off.

Vash was still watching her, leaning on the railing. All at once he moved, heading down the stairs towards her. Elizaveta desperately wanted to back up, but held her ground. _He knew her secret_. He came closer, and then paused in front of her, looking down and holding her gaze. Then he broke it, looking over towards the door. “Mr. Edelstein the older needed Lili for something, so she probably didn’t get around to telling… _Roderich_ that you were here. I’ll go get him for you.” And with that, he was gone.

Elizaveta hadn’t meant for him to find out her secret, but Mr. Edelstein had requested that she and Vash go get supplies from a traveling merchant together. On the way there, the two had gotten in a fight with a local gang, and she’d been wounded. Not badly, but it was around her chest area, which was an area she definitely didn’t want Vash examining (no matter what his intentions were) and so she declined his offers of assistance. He’d shrugged it off and had said, “Your funeral.” She’d thought that was the end of it, until she’d been in their inn room changing the bandages and he’d walked in.

They’d looked at each other, and Vash’s eyes had widened, but he said nothing and walked out. They didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the trip back, and Elizaveta had managed to successfully avoid him when they got back. Until now.

Oh, dear.

He could tell her secret at any time and she had no way of stopping him.

Unless she told first.

Maybe it was time to start acting like a freaking lady.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Vash! What the heck! Where did you come from? You were just supposed to go tell her that Lili couldn’t get Roderich and then offer to go get him for her! You’re not supposed to know her secret!  
> Switzerland: Well, it’s pretty obvious she’s not a guy!  
> Hungary: *sidling up to him* *dangerous silence* How so?  
> Switzerland: …um….  
> Me: *stepping in* Okay, well, whatever. It’s cool. If you guys see Italy or Romano running around, would you let me know? They snuck in.  
> Switzerland: *cocks his gun* Sure.  
> Me: …um…okay. Good. You do that.  
> Italy: Ve~! Here I am! I don’t know where fratello is though!   
> Switzerland: *bang* *bang*  
> Italy: VEEEEEEEEEE~! GERMANY! GERMANY, HELP MEEE! PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME I HAVE RELATIVES IN BERN! AHHHHHHH! *runs away*  
> Switzerland: And stay out!  
> Me: ...thanks?  
> Translations: Es ist sehr heiβt, ja? = It is very hot, yes?  
> Thanks for reading! Review, please!


	4. The Awesome Prussia Has Arrived

* * *

 

**Chapter 4 – The Awesome Prussia Has Arrived**

* * *

 

Awesome music trumpeted in the background. The noble and awesome pirate struck and awesomely inspiring pose on the top of his awesome ship. Its awesome flag fluttered awesomely in the awesome breeze. The awesome pirate gazed out awesomely on his surroundings, confident in the knowledge that soon their awesomeness levels would dramatically increase due to his awesome presence and arrival. The awesome pirate grinned. _That’s right, losers!_ , thought the awesome pirate. _I have arrived! Me! The great and awesome –_

“Oh, crap! Gilbird! You’re supposed to be bailing us out! Not awesome!” shouted the pirate as he looked down into his tiny dory, which was now slowly but surely filling with water. The small yellow bird that he appeared to be yelling at flew around in circles, _cheep_ ing madly.

“So you don’t have arms, so what? Lame! How unawesome.” The Prussian pirate slid down a rope from his perch on the tiny mast of his tiny ship to land, boots thumping, in the puddle of steadily growing water.

The bird _cheep_ ed more, flapping over to land on the pirate’s head. The Prussian scowled, reddish eyes narrowing, and continued to converse with the bird as if it was actually speaking. (Maybe it was? Who knew?) “Now I have to bail all this water out. This is not good for my awesomeness levels, Gilbird – who ever heard of awesome pirates having to do lame things like that?”

He huffed and ran a hand through his shock of pale hair, but began bailing the ocean out from the boat with remarkable speed. In response to Gilbird (who had elected to move farther away from the approaching sea, landing on top of the mast, but not without a few parting _cheep_ s), he rolled his eyes. “Oh, even Blackbeard must have started out as a lowly sailor, oh, well, I’M WAY MORE AWESOME THAN STUPID BLACKBEARD! I AM CAPTAIN GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT, LOSERS, AND I’M AWESOME!” He turned back to Gilbird. “You got that?”

Gilbird _piyo_ ’d a few times, flying down right before Gilbert’s eyes (making him go cross-eyed), before moving a little farther away, as if to draw his attention somewhere.

Gilbert, still fuming at the imagined slight, paid him no attention, returning to throwing water out of the boat wildly.

Gilbird rolled his eyes, looked over at the gently swaying, rotting corpses hanging from the rock outcropping they were passing by, and in a show of respect, saluted them. Seeing as how he was using his two wings to keep himself in the air, the act of removing one of them for said salute promptly caused him to fall, straight onto Gilbert’s head.

Gilbert merely picked the stunned bird up and slung him on top of his hat, as if this was a normal occurrence (which it probably was). He noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned to see the aforementioned corpses, with a sign saying, ‘PIRATES YE BE WARNED’ hanging next to them. His eyes widened for a moment, before he laughed uproariously. “Hah! Losers! Guess they just weren’t awesome enough! Hah-hah!”

Gilbird, coming to on Gilbert’s hat, rolled his eyes again. Sometimes his human could be such a –

Then the Prussian knelt down, pausing for a moment in his water-bailing, as he rummaged in his pockets. Gilbird watched with interest as the pirate pulled out a few wooden twigs and some rope. After a few minutes, the Prussian held up his creations triumphantly. He leaned over, and with great care, placed the three makeshift wooden crosses in the water, watching as they floated over to the unfortunate dead.

Gilbird looked down at his human, who had stood up and was shuffling a bit, hands jammed in his pockets. “Ah, well,” he muttered, “even losers shouldn’t end up that way.” He was silent for a moment, before seeming to realize that Gilbird was silent. “Hey! You! What are you looking at? Go back to doing…whatever you were doing before.” And so saying, he bent down to scoop up some more water. However, he paused, looking at the bucket strangely. Gilbird’s heart quailed, for he knew well that gleam in his human’s eye…

* * *

 

Sailors shouted back and forth, loading supplies onto the boat, which was set to leave in a little while. However, one of them paused and squinted out over the water. Before him, a small wooden bucket floated innocently along, but that wasn’t what had attracted his attention.

“THE GREAT AND AWESOME CAPTAIN GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT HAS ARRIVED, LOSERS! BOW DOWN TO ME!”

…in fact, it was hard _not_ to notice the spectacle.

On top of his rapidly sinking ship, the Prussian cackled maniacally as Gilbird flew around and around his head. “Kesese! Now THIS is an AWESOME ENTRANCE! TAKE NOTES, LOSERS!” he called over to the dumbstruck sailors.

Gilbert grinned, striking the awesome pose from his imaginings before. If he listened really really hard, he could almost hear his awesome soundtrack. Still laughing madly, he stepped off the mast onto the dock and stalked off, Gilbird hurrying to catch up. Behind him, the _Unawesome Boat Made Slightly More Awesome By The Awesome Me’s Presence_ sank to a watery grave.

His awesome entrance was made slightly less awesome when the harbormaster stopped him and told him that it cost a shilling to tie a boat up to the dock (seeing how Gilbert was broke, as per usual, that was going to be a problem). Gilbert looked at the harbormaster, at the frothy water where his tiny boat had sunk, and then back at the harbormaster, one eyebrow raised. The harbormaster sputtered, Gilbert laughed (“KESESESE!”), and the pirate made his escape (managing to snag the bag full of money at the end of the dock on his way out, how awesome). Now to find a ship…

“HURRY UP, GILBIRD!”

“Piyo!”

* * *

 

Roderich was miserable.

The ceremony seemed to be never-ending, he hadn’t seen his beloved piano in _four hours_ , and his new corset seemed intent on killing him.

After presenting the sword Eli had brought him to the new Commodore Kirkland, he had returned to his seat, where he shifted uncomfortably, hoping that the movement would provide some respite from the constricting garment from the depths of hell. Sadly, it had only made things worse. _Much_ worse.

He glanced over to his left, where Lili sat. She wore a new pink dress, made especially for her, and her long blond hair was done up in twin braids. Although she seemed serene, her eyes betrayed her inner confusion. He sympathized; it must have seemed rather odd for her boss to request her presence at such a formal event, though she was handling it quite well. Next to her was her older brother. Who, although less confused, was definitely not serene. There was a tenseness to him, an underlying nervous energy that caused those around him to subconsciously lean back. Roderich sank back in his seat (as much as he could) and wished fervently for an end to this day. Or for something, _anything_ to happen.

“ _Buongiorno_ , Edelstein _famiglia_!” a cheerful voice behind him said loudly.

Roderich suppressed the urge to groan. _Not that_ , he thought. _Anything but_ him.

He turned to see Romulus Vargas beaming at him, Vargas’ grandsons right behind him.

“ _Guten Morgen_ , _Herr_ Vargas,” he responded civilly. He cast his eye over the twins and tried to recall their names. “Feliciano….Lovino…”

The slightly taller one with the closed eyes smiled happily. “ _Ciao_ , Roderich! Isn’t it so great to see you it’s been a long time boy it’s hot I wonder when we’ll get lunch I hope there’s pasta do you think there will be pasta –”

Scowling, the slightly smaller grandson with green eyes merely crossed his arms and glared at Roderich as his younger brother babbled on happily.

_Wow_ , Roderich thought, adjusting his glasses, _this guy could really give Vash a run for his money in anti-social behavior. Not that Vash would ever part with his money in such a way, but…_

Vati was frowning at Romulus. “Vargas,” his father said crisply. “What do you want?”

Romulus smiled again, but a sly look had crept into his eyes. “Why, to see my old friend, of course!” he cried, rushing forward to take hold of Vati’s shoulder. “And, of course,” he said, turning to face Lili, “to congratulate you. It’s a big day, isn’t it?” All this time he was watching Lili carefully.

Vash, Roderich, and Vati paled. Lili looked confused. “W-why, y-yes, it is a big d-day, M-mr. Vargas,” she stammered out, hands fisting in her skirt. “I-it’s _Herr_ Kirkland’s ceremony today.”

Romulus looked disappointed, but rallied. “ _Sì_ , of course! That is what I meant.” He turned quickly to Vati and began a loud discussion of…rather _inappropriate_ topics for such a venue, or really anywhere, Roderich thought. He noticed Vash was giving both of the Vargas brothers the stink-eye, and resolved to go over to ask why, when there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find Arthur Kirkland standing before him, green eyes resolute.

“Might I have a word, Mr. Edelstein?”

Roderich caught Vati’s and Vash’s eyes, looked back at the young British man, and smiled. “Of course.”

They moved off; as they left, Roderich saw that: Vash was moving in on Feliciano, presumably to interrogate him; Vati was resolutely ignoring _Signore_ Romulus; and Lili was timidly standing beside the sullen Lovino, occasionally giving him frightened looks, which he didn’t seem to notice.

He looked ahead and saw that he had fallen behind Kirkland. Roderich increased his pace, catching up just as they reached the parapet. He was wheezing slightly, and he hoped Kirkland wouldn’t notice.

As they both stood there awkwardly, there was a beat of silence. Then another. And another. And –

Kirkland broke the silence first. “Let’s be blunt here, shall we, Mr. Edelstein?”

“Very well,” Roderich agreed cautiously.

“I am a former pirate, and not just any pirate: I was rather…notorious, and as such, advancement in the navy is…nigh impossible, no matter how impeccable one’s record has become afterwards. Good so far?”

“Yes,” Roderich said. His chest felt tight, and he tried to draw in more air.

Kirkland cleared his throat. “Yes. Well. So…so your father has most kindly agreed to put in a good word for me, so to speak…hence the ceremony we both attended today. However, he did request a small…favor from me first.” He paused, looked down at his feet. “He assured me it was neither monetary, nor a favor that would require…less than honorable maneuverings from me, so I agreed. I have no idea what it is though. I’m under the impression you’re to tell me?” He looked inquiringly at Roderich.

“Yes,” Roderich said again. “Yes, that’s correct.” He tried to draw in a deep breath of air. He felt slightly dizzy. “Well. We have a small problem as well. My father…” A breath of air. “My father…” He swayed a bit. His mind blanked.

“Your father…?” Kirkland prompted.

Roderich’s mind cleared somewhat. “Yes. Do you know Lili Vogel-Zwingli?”

Kirkland’s face went blank. “I…no. I apologize.”

“She’s the…” Another breath. “The blond girl that was with us today.”

“Oh. Yes. I suppose I do, now.”

“Well…” Breathe. “Well…” Blackness swamped his vision. “We want you to marry her.”

And with that, Roderich stumbled backwards, his knees buckled, and he toppled over the wall towards the dark sea.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Cliffhanger!
> 
> Review, please!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So this is a parody that inserts Hetalia characters into Pirates of the Caribbean. They're not nations, but their backstories will influence the story somewhat. While the story will follow the same general outline as the original movie, the way the characters get there will be different and they will not say the exact same lines (or even paraphrase them much), because that's very boring to me as a writer (and also it's kind of copying, so...yeah, I'll be avoiding that.) Pairings (if any) in this story will be PruHun and/or AusHun. So far (for those who don't remember the exact details of the movie), Austria is Elizabeth Swann, Hungary is Will Turner, Germania is "Vati" (and Austria's dad), England is Norrington, and France is Gibbs.  
> Translations: Bonjour = hello, monsieur = mr. , non = no, ja = yes, Marie, Mère de Dieu = Mary, Mother of God, Vati = Dad/Papa. Oh, and Angleterre is England. Yes, they're not nations, and France is still calling England "England." It just sort of snuck in. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think!


End file.
